Attachment

Every time I find something that "fixes" me, I immediately attach to it. Usually that attachment is so secure that I hold to it as reality fades away. Only when I become somewhat delusional do I realize what is going on and try to right what went "wrong." And so the process continues. Attachment. Thinking. I just go and go. Well last night I stumbled across a guy talking about meditation, attachment and thinking in the most rational way I have read in a long time (ever?). I will post a link. Who am I kidding, no one is reading this. Well, at least I do. I go back sometimes to check it out. And maybe someone will.

So there is a lot of resistance to attachment. And effort toward "letting go" often leads to more reasons for attachment. For example, if letting go "works" (I know I use "" a lot but it feels right) then some may immediately and unconsciously attach to letting go. It's crazy and only through on and off practice can we break the cycle while still implementing the idea.

I realize that everything in relevant. Mental freedom is what I truly want and everything that helps me toward that goal is relevant. I often forget everything I "know" for some instant cure that only lasts a few hours. And then I am back to where I started in a sense. But this is the process because there is no other way. I must go through the cycle again and again to continually break it and slow it down and recognize it and get better. But no one thing will "solve" it, mostly because no one thing causes it. And what is "it?" I don't really know, that is just how my mind tries to categorize my problems. It likes to just lump them all into one and attack based on that false idea. That is why my strategies of attacking have often proved so unsuccessful.

I want to write sometime about the idea that nothing is really special. Like, our ability to categorize and label things is somewhat to our demise. Not completely, obviously, but somewhat. I mean, we all have to experience the "bad" and the "good," so why not see it more as "necessary?" Hopefully more on that later.

Here is a link to the page I was talking about earlier: Osho on thinking, how to stop.

And here is another song. I am currently listening to the Radiohead album In Rainbows, so I will post something by them. For a while I was actually thinking it would be cool to do my first dance at my wedding to this song. I like the pensive atmosphere to it.
Radiohead - No Surprises