I, me, myself

I was trying to do some studying and had to stop. Often I do. I have had such trouble learning how to learn. It's hard to explain but the past few years it has been more than simply procrastination. Because with depression and anxiety comes a reduction in stimulation of the prefrontal cortex, which is primarily responsible for things like planning, problem solving, and abstract reasoning; things which apparently are pretty important in learning and understanding. Also, I have read many things about depression/anxiety victims and how some of the symptoms include inability to remember things and difficulty concentrating. Sure, everyone does have difficulty with these things, but I can tell within myself the difference. If you've never been to Antarctica, you can't possibly understand how cold it is. People who haven't experienced chronic depression/anxiety have difficulty understanding.

ANYWAY

The reason I bring all of this up is because when I find things becoming cloudy and sense certain activation in my mind that means I'm starting to lose it, I have to take a break, which usually turns into desk/table-nap position. It is easier to see my thoughts that way.

Ok so all this leads to a theme I continually come across. The "I's" and "me's" and "my's." I realize that worry and fear often turn my thoughts inward. So we all talk to ourselves in a certain way, right? I mean, I only know my own mind. But I realized that sometimes my focus turns more onto the "I" of "I am thinking about..." rather than what I am actually thinking about.

For example: "I don't want to study." It is possible to focus on the person who doesn't want to study, or the actual feeling of not wanting to study. In the first scenario, there is no real solution to the problem. The thought is on I, and I don't think we can directly change the self. I think we can change our habits and actions and thoughts to reflect circumstances we visualize will be realistic and what we want. So if we focus on the second part (not wanting to study), we find that there are solutions to this problem.

So, we can focus on ourselves within each thought and continue to add to our negative self-talk about how we aren't good enough, happy enough, hard working, etc., or we can focus on idea of not wanting to study and survey the possible ideas and actions which will help us to study.

Ok one more idea for topic. I am obsessed with making myself a better person. I think this has added to my anxiety and depression over the years and finally I am seeing the real way to go about this. BUT. This mentality has led me to focus on myself (I think) maybe a little more than other people. Not a good thing. So whenever I am presented with a situation or thought where I know I have encountered something that will help me with that (for example, comparing myself to other people), I often start to worry about myself and forget to focus on the actual items of interest.

Gosh this is harder to get out than I anticipated. I will leave it at that for now.
And now, another song by Majestic. Actually it's majestic (no capital).
A remix of a popular song, it's great.

Of Monsters & Men - Little Talks (The Knocks remix)
*This song is pretty appropriate for anyone who has struggled with their complicated brain (everyone?).