Learning

I love learning, but I have a really hard time with school work. Like, a really hard time. Part of the problem is that depression and anxiety make it really hard to concentrate and retain information. The natural occurrences in the brain during these states produces chemicals and activity in areas that make it difficult to do so. So that's one problem.

The other problem is the same one everyone runs into: I just don't want to. But that is a big problem full of lots of reasons. I had a really difficult time in elementary, middle and high school. I got good grades for the most part, but I just remember having a really hard time getting them. Maybe that's the way it is for everyone. So every time I sit down to do work, those memories and feelings flood back into my system and I think, oh boy, here we go again. But why do I feel that way? Well learning is great when I am not being forced to do it. I hate the feeling I get when I feel like I have to or should do something. So I'm trying to look at it instead: I choose to study and do this work because I want to learn, be successful and get good grades. Then another problem arises...what the heck does the teacher want? I obsess over this too much because I have been conditioned to go to school for good grades, like much of the rest of America's population. Well I am going to take more liberty in my studies and try to do it the way I want to, rather than the way I think my teacher wants. It will help me to enjoy it better and expand my personality and creativity. Obviously I'll still read the instructions and meet the requirements, but I will try to do so with more personalization.

My last point has to do with the previous post. I tend to think big and jump to the end. I take too many ideas and try to work on too many things at once. I need to slow down and focus on the exact words I am reading and the current idea I have rather than think about the whole paper that needs to get done. That brings on too much stress. Just put one foot in front of the other, knowing that eventually you will reach where you are trying to go. So think smaller, work tighter. Don't let loose ends flop all over the place; make one hit at a time to knock it down.

Ok, now I actually have to put these things to work, which is a whole 'nother discipline.

Sunday relaxation/reflection music:
Paul Cardall - Gracie's Theme