Better

Today while surfing I realized that I hold myself back. When I surf well, I tell myself to just be happy with that. Maybe over time I figured that I couldn't get as good as I wanted. Or maybe I struggled with getting better for so long that I just figured it wasn't in the cards to be a great surfer. Or maybe it always seemed like it would be too good to be true. I've dreamed so much what it would be like to surf well and talk about it with my friends so much that maybe I started to believe that it could never really happen. Well surfing has become a bit dull for me the past few years. I just have been at a progressive stand-still. There are days or moments where I will do something amazing and then the next day it seems like I'm back at square one. I think this is due to a lot of the obsessive tendencies of perfectionism I have and how inherently dynamic of a sport surfing is but today I feel like I released a dragon of capability. After I would catch a wave, I would notice that I would silently tell myself "well that was fun but it's not going to get better than that so I guess it's all downhill from here." When I noticed that thought I started to question it and say "why not be an amazing surfer? Why not me?" and tell myself that this is not it, there is more. There can be another great wave. It doesn't have to be exactly like that last one but it can be great. I can be great. It all seems like such simple talk but it felt monumental for me because of my constant, unseen internal fighting. Recognizing that I have these thoughts is key in trying to be better.