Lots of Stuff

So I went to Utah this last weekend. I learned a lot more things. I don't think I want to write about all of them. The important things seem to be:
If you use your thoughts to trick yourself into feeling a certain way or keep yourself from feeling a certain way, you will lost touch of reality.
If you have had problems with anxiety or depression for a while, most likely you will have learned to interpret any variation in mood as an indication of the idea that you have a "problem." This means that you are intolerant of any variability in mood (as I somewhat am), which is no way to live life. It is better to recognize a mood change as a sign that you are human and "normal" rather than something that proves there is something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody and there will always be. The sooner we accept this in our lives, the sooner we will be able to find the happiness in life.
Freedom means can't, should, need, have to, etc. phrases are ones to be aware of. True happiness seems to be linked to realizing the many choices we have in life and recognizing the power we have to make a choice and be happy with it. By choosing the wrong thing, we learn. By choosing the right thing, we are happy (and can also learn). It is the choices which seem to be neither explicitly right nor wrong that hold me up and in that circumstance I realize that it is more important to make a choice than it is to wait around to realize what the "best" choice may be. Waiting is important in some circumstances and not very helpful in others. When it comes to thoughts (something with which I am very sensitive to), it is better to make a choice rather than wait.
Balance means there is an opposite to most things (if not everything).
Telling yourself (this can be very subtle and hard to detect) that something is not okay (like feeling a certain way, thinking a certain way, doing a certain thing) can be grounds for anxiety. This is probably more true for people with guilty consciousnesses like mine, who are more likely to blame and criticize themselves than others. My friend Tommy helped me realize that we need to feel the feelings we feel and think the thoughts we think in order to overcome them. If we don't actually let ourselves feel and think those things then they will keep haunting our subconscious. By allowing them to surface, we are able to recognize it, understand it better and know how to more effectively alleviate. I think I have been so ashamed of my thoughts and feelings that now I have to teach myself to "be bad" for a little while in order to see how I am good (and stop worrying that I really am bad because I have these thoughts that I do not acknowledge).
Meditation is good.

Ok that is all. This song is appropriate, they talk about people worrying and saying what if and tell them to just make a decision. Just found this band today.
The Colourist - Wishing Well