Preparation

Without fail, each time I study I get anxious. It always comes; sooner or later. This time I realized that I will do things (in or outside my mind) to prepare myself for the future. Yes, it is important to prepare for the future, but not too much and I don't it should be done in the way that I do it. I tell myself things like "I can't do that now because what if, in the future, I run into a situation where it isn't like this and I have to do it differently?" It makes much more sense in my mind but that's basically it. 

So what I realized is that I will spend energy right now trying to do things that will prepare me for things in the future when instead, I simply need to always do my best now. Because if I always do my best right now, then I am always doing my best. The now travels with me no matter where I go, no matter what I do. So instead of doing things right now that I think will make me better in the future, I do things right now that make me better right now and always do that. When I spend too much time planning and preparing and thinking about the future, I start to take away from what is going on right now. And if I take away from what is going on right now, the moment right now isn't as good. And when I start to feel like the moment right now isn't that good, I start to look to the future for better moments and plan and prepare for those moments...but those moments never come. All I can do is relax about the future, do whatever planning is necessary, and simply live what is good right now. Because if I am always living what is good right now, I am always living good (I don't like to use my best because can anyone ever really say they did their best? I mean, how do you know you did your best? I like to say I tried to do good or I did good, because there will be a lot of times in my life that I don't do my best, and I don't want to be ashamed or disappointed in myself because of it. I also don't want to lie to myself.)

Just found this per recommendation by YouTube. Pretty chill, pretty good.

Marble Sounds - Good Occasions